Pre-marital counselling slowly makes its way into city after eight years

From meeting two couples a year about eight years ago, specialists say they do pre-marital counselling for at least 20 couples every year.

Though pre-marital counselling was introduced in the early 2000s in the city, it is only now that increasing number of couples look upon it as an option. Counselling looks to preempt and resolve future marital disputes by getting couples to talk openly about their individual obligations towards family, work and domestic life.

From meeting two couples a year about eight years ago, specialists say they do pre-marital counselling for at least 20 couples every year. Dr Saras Bhaskar, counselling consultant and coach, was among the first to start these sessions in 2003 after she moved back from the US.

"When families set out to make a match in an arranged marriage , they consider age to be an indicator of an individual's readiness for marriage but don't factor in the person's psychological readiness," she said.

Pre-marital counselling is meant to prepare couples for what they can expect from a marriage. "Recently, a couple - to be married in four months - came to me. As the counselling progressed , they shed a lot of inhibitions. With a little help, they were able to talk openly. I could see their comfort level improving," she said.

Dr Brinda Jayaraman, counselllor and founder, Anchor Self-Help Access (ASHA), who worked with Dr Bhaskar to popularise pre-marital counselling earlier, said they had initiated a cross-promotional venture with a jewellery store earlier wherein families shopping for a wedding were given a coupon to attend a preparatory workshop.

"The concept did not pick up at that time, but now everyone recognises the need for it. Each person has his own image of a partner. When it does not match with the reality, they get disappointed. This disappointment turns into frustration over the years. It is important that bonding happens between husband and wife in the first year of marriage . This will help them sort out any conflict that may arise in the future," she said.

While most couples come of their own accord or hear about counselling from friends, there are cases of couples being referred by their families.

"In a few cases, the girl's family is apprehensive about how she will adjust to a new life. We also prepare couples for sexual expectations. This is done by the church for the Christian community, but a girl talking about sex is largely taboo until she gets married. We counsel both partners to ease them into this area," Dr Jayaraman said.